I once read a book years ago about a family during the depression years. It was a beautiful story of love & faith in God Almighty, a story of a man who loved the earth, who worked so hard my heart ached for him, a man who was just that; a man. He didn't have big words or money. He just did what he needed to provide for his family & he had heart. I remember laying in bed reading this story: it came alive in my mind & seeing him sweating in the sun & the terrible load of debt that he had when the home he worked so hard for was being lost. I remember feeling his desperation. I loved how he loved his boys. I also remember the way it described his wife, how she came from an educated background, she loved him so much that she never really had words for it all. How she too pinched & saved. How she wanted her boys to know what a man their father was. How she tried so hard all the time to make things better. I also think in all of it she was finding herself too. The way the author describes her is how I would like to write someday. I laughed aloud in some parts because I could see it happening & so relate to how things were in the family. In several places my eyes filled with tears too because the heartache was so real. It is a book I will read again. The man was named Birch Tucker.
Our little Birch just had his 2nd birthday & he has some big shoes to fill. I wanted to use this name for a long time & when we found we were having a boy while I was pregnant I knew already who he would be. Birch Tucker is a wonderful name. I have learned much from this baby, who for 2 years has been the center of our world. I have learned humility, for instance I have been a big breast feeding mom & felt truly that everyone can breast feed if they give it half a chance, so when Birch came I assumed that he too would nurse well, after a bout with jaundice & bili lights, trying to nurse a screaming baby every 20 minutes for 8 weeks, after numerous weight checks & little or no weight gain we finally realized our little Birch was hungry. I remember how hard he sucked on that first bottle his whole little body holding on & feeling so sad. For a whole year he had breast & bottle. I remember saying I didin't think I would do that, but that year went by & we did. I learned that my rather high minded thoughts about other moms changed. I thank God for that. I was reading a note I had written in his baby book around that time & I wrote about loving the feel of his solid newborn weight in my arm at night. We co-sleep so for 2 years now Birch has been by me or on me at night. In a time of newer parenting ideas, I sometimes think I have been doing things the younger hip moms are thinking is pretty cool; attachment parenting. Co-sleeping. Breastfeeding longer. Delaying or not all vaccines~ Somehow without knowing it I was ahead of the times...I guess after parenting for 20 years I have finally figured somethings out.
Another thing I am learning, is how to communicate with a child who doesn't yet speak. Birch has some hearing loss & still doesn't speak. I never really let myself be bothered by it but recently I was at the post office & a woman was asking him what his name is & he looked at her without responding & she asked again. For the first time I said aloud to a stranger that he doesn't talk yet & it felt different coming out of my mouth. Do I view him differently? Do I baby him more? Do I keep my eye in him more? Probably yes. I am learning something I didn't think about before; to listen with my eyes & talk with my hands. When I hear him grunting something & look & see his small little boy hands telling me "shoes on" or "feed cows" it does something to my heart. I see his big eyes watching all of us. Does he hear everything? Is he watching me so he doesn't miss out on life? To say over 50 words with your hands is remarkable for someone so small. Each week we work on a new sign. I love how everyone works on it, I see Joe's eyes soften when his little hand is flipping over his lips saying he needs "a drink". I hear Shawnee & Sam squeal when he finally signs the newest word. I hear the littler ones saying words over & over along with the sign & how proud they are when he finally gets it. I watch the big boys scoop him up & know for certain that God makes no mistake~ever. When we got home last night he came running to the door grinning & I said hello & he crossed his small arms over his chest to show "LOVE" & I praised God for who our Birch Tucker is.
When I read the Birch Tucker story I think I related to it so much because Birch reminded me a little of Joe & Trudy his wife a little of me. They were a young couple trying so hard to get it right & often falling way short. As time passes I see how young we were. I see how tragedies have laced their way through our paths. I am thankful for the simple man that Joe is. I see how God is still on the throne & that alone is too big for words. My prayer as we keep learning from this job called parenting, that we can keep growing too. I also hope that my Birch Tucker can be as good a man as the Birch Tucker in the book I read so long ago....